This was not an area of expertise for me, so I have had to learn rapidly. All addictions end up in social withdrawal, but sex addiction begins with it. The addict cannot have a meaningful emotional relationship much less sexual relationship.

Recovery from this takes time and therapy. It begins with the acknowledgment that the individual is addicted, and this is a difficult first step for many. We are trying to get a Sex Addicts Anonymous group started in this area to help. But many marriages are ending before the soldiers have been treated.

There are reports in the press and by the soldiers of American female soldiers in Iraq being raped by American male soldiers. I have no idea of the frequency of this and have not treated any women who suffered rape. But I am seeing numerous female soldiers who hated Iraq in large part because of the way they were treated by American men, and Iraqi men too – constantly stared at and watched. As I understand them, it is like being treated as an object all the time.

One woman walked past a mess tent and described what it felt like when everyone in the tent (males) stopped talking and turned to watch her pass by in silence. She was in her BDU’s (Battle Dress Uniform), not dressed or outfitted provocatively. Most of the women I have seen complain of unwanted approaches, close to force, by American soldiers, often men of higher rank. When they complained, nothing happened. So the women took care of each other, all going to the bathroom with one person who needed to go for her protection. One woman who is readying for redeployment told me she is taking several cans of mace with her.

This experience has also been felt by female officers. One West Point graduate said that it changed her life, that she had decided to leave the Army after having planned a career in it. Indeed, she felt that she would require years to be able to trust men again, as well as herself. She

was in charge of a detail to rebuild something, maybe a school. They had Iraqis working with them. But the Iraqi men refused to acknowledge her orders, so she had to have a male NCO or even private instruct them although she was the one who spoke the language. She reports getting angrier than she has ever been in her life, even fantasizing about shooting these unarmed Iraqis in her fury. This scared her and made her realize how dangerous the situation was for her mental health.

Families have been damaged in more ways than I can describe. Many young soldiers marry in haste before being sent to war. They fantasize about wife and home their year away and carry on romantic communications by phone email and regular mail. When they return, they find an all too real scenario – a wife who may have spent all of their extra duty pay or had an affair or had a baby. Even career soldiers with previous deployments to Korea, Germany, etc. find this return much more difficult than previous ones.

As sad as the break up of marriages is, the very worst thing I see is the deployment of both parents and the child or children being sent to various relatives, often separated. One mom who just returned from Iraq brought in her three year old daughter because the child was totally out of control and ignored her completely.

Well, her behavior was understandable. To the child, this was a complete stranger who just picked her up at gramma’s and started telling her what to do. This child had spent less than two months of her life with both parents and less than 8 months with either parent separately. She had been raised by what must have been a bewildering constellation to her – mom and dad, then mom, than gramma, then dad for a month before he decided he couldn’t cope alone, then an aunt, then gramma again, then another aunt, then gramma and finally, mom.

That child probably hasn’t had a chance to form normal attachments necessary for emotional growth. As I began to educate the mom on attachment needs for child development, she cried and realized what damage she and her husband had caused their daughter. She decided to try to get out of the Army, but I don’t know what became of her after I saw them the few times we had approval for. The child calmed down, had gotten better. But I still dream of her – this is the therapist’s PTSD or what is called secondary trauma.

As a Friend, I have always been opposed to war because I believed that we do not have the right to extinguish that piece of God in others. After my experience as a therapist for soldiers, I understand George Fox’s opposition to war much better. He pointed out the damage to the self, the soul, that occurs when we take another life. We humans pay a terrible personal price when we do that. I pray that these soldiers can recover their humanity, their belief in themselves and their God.

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See also:

New England Journal of Medicine: Combat Duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, Mental Health Problems, and Barriers to Care. 7/1/2004

 "Gimme Shelter." By Rose Aguilar, AlterNet, 2/8/2005