“Gaslighting” is a term that has gained popularity due to TikTok and other social media, but it is often misused and misunderstood. Gaslighting is so much more than lying or changing a story. It is purposeful psychological manipulation to make victims question their own memory, reality, and sanity. This tactic is often seen in abusive relationships, seeking to gain even more power and control over their partner.
Quaker House Advocacy in 2004
When victims of abuse start to question their own sanity and judgment, they can lose faith in themselves. If victims start wondering if they are being abused, treated poorly, or are even at the point of terminating the relationship, gaslighting can take the wind from their sails and make them question their ability to make decisions.
Gaslighting is categorized in different ways:
- Trivializing: “You’re mad about that?” “You’re overly sensitive!”
- Withholding: “Not this again!” “You’re just trying to confuse me.”
- Blocking/Diverting: “Who gave you that crazy idea, your friend?” “I bet your mother told you that, she’s never liked me.”
- Countering: “You must have forgotten.” “You’re forgetting things again.” “We’ve already discussed this.”
- Forgetting/Denying: “I never said I was going to pick the kids up.” “I told you I wouldn’t be home until later.”
Abusers are often insistent and unrelenting, making their victims truly believe what the abusers are saying, even when they have proof (text messages, witnesses to their conversation) that proves otherwise. The isolation from family and friends that often comes from military transfers can make it harder to avoid accepting the lies.
Several Quaker House clients have been victims of gaslighting, often from their partner, and it is difficult to get them to start trusting their own judgment again, especially if they have low self-esteem. In session, we focus on regaining their self-esteem, trusting themselves, and developing a strong and healthy support network.
I need to know what gaslighting is.
Kyle,
Thank you for your question. Gaslighting is a recent term used for “manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting) If you are familiar with the classic movie Gaslight, this is the basis of the term.
I was gaslight and it was horrific, My ex husband was having an affair, He or rather they were putting different woman’s clothes shoes in my closet, stealing my clothes and when i confronted him about it he said I don’t know nothing and nobody has been here, The arguments were horrible, he would push my buttons getting me angry and secretly video recording me. He hacked into all of my gov accounts , he is a programmer and a professional hacker. I was sent to the psych ward because of his gaslighting, I lost 70 lbs which is the only good thing i got out of that. Currently hes still stalking me and hacking my accounts hes got my social security number registered and hes paying for it at check free score.com, so he knows where I’m living and with him hacking my Medicare he knows what docs I’m seeing, I am now in the process of getting my SS# changed. I live in constant fear, why is he still messing with me, we were married 22 years. I’ve filed with the FTC identitytheft.gov and local police and there’s nothing being done to stop him. Gaslighting is not funny or humors as they talk about it on social media, I now suffer from PTSD and am on meds and always alert of my surroundings. Gaslighting needs to be a felony crime. Im in the works of trying to make it a felony crime all over the united states. Its against the law in a handful of states, Most police officers know nothing about it, There were maybe 2 officers out of all the police officers i talked to that knew what i was talking about. God bless